11:11

you know i'm hoping you'll sing along

though it's not your favorite song

don't wanna be the wind

there's nothing left to say

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Sunday, August 23, 2009, 01:09

how many people have seen me cried?

Have you ever had a bus ride back on a heavy rainy night?

Well, I just did.

I was on the bus 199, going back to my hall, after attending the beauty paegent event that my friend was participating, and it was raining so heavily once I stepped out of the MRT station. Waited for the bus for about less than 10 minutes and the bus came and I boarded the bus, chose a window seat and finally got to rest my legs, which are damn tiring from all the standing in that freaking high heels (I have a quote now - "heels are made to kill"). I looked out of the window and you know, on a rainy day, I think my thinking cells in my brain worked a lot. Haha. So, I was just thinking randomly (What was I thinking?? I can't seem to recall it now. Oh well.) and this thought was shouting damn loud to me:

HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN ME CRIED?

Yes. How many people have actually seen me cried? Not that kind whereby I cried while watching sad and emotional movies, or cried because I was known of one who cried while laughing (yea, xl, yw and dharl would know that), or cried because someone said some touching stuff. I mean who saw me when I was at my weakest state? So far, I could only remember a few incidents.

I was upset as one of my friends wasn't chosen to become an OGL for the orientation and I was really really upset and confused and just didn't know what should I do. I broke down that night and it was my other council friend who made me feel better. Thank you to you who are going away on the 5th of September (:

Another time was when I was given an hourly report because I came back late, which I have called to inform earlier as I was having council duty in esplanade, and it was my birthday, so I was so annoyed and felt so injustice and much irritation and hatred and more, I cried so badly in front of my roommate. Thank you to you who just listened to me that night (:

These two are the incidents which I remembered clearly. Should have more incidents, but I couldn't remember them now. I am a person who cried really easily and yet who doesn't cry easily. Confusing huh? Well, that's me (: One weaknesses of my crying habit is that, I couldn't stop crying once I started the cry. It will take me ages to return to my normal state.

I remembered two more incidents.

During June Camp, we had the checkers game. Seriously I would say that I hate that game because it tortured me mentally. I was one of the "instructors" to the game so I was like playing the game while watching my fellow councillors got punished. That feeling was so so so so so bad. I rather I was the one who was doing all the hangings. I remembered I couldn't think properly at all while watching them suffered. After the game ended, I cried so badly and the rest of them were like consoling me. Thank you to you who asked me not to cry and let me rest my head on your chest (:

Another time was after receiving A Levels results. I guess there were quite a number of people saw me crying so badly. I cried then stopped, but not completely, then cried again, then stopped, again not completely, and cried again, and this process went on forever. Thank you to you who accompanied back to your home and cooked the delicious dinner for me (:

Okayy maybe I should stop now. Typing all these made me feel so grateful and guess what? My eyes are filled with tears. Okayy, no more, no more.

I am contented with my life right now. I am grateful. I believe that everything that happened or is going to happen has it's own purpose. Right now, my purpose is to study hard and get a really good result to make my parents proud (:

And, I am going to achieve that, with your help and your help and your help (:

Sometimes, blogging makes me feel so loved :D